Dealing with LossWhen we open our hearts so wide, the inevitability is to feel that ache that comes along with it. That's the reality of opening your heart to love. With each beginning there is always an ending, or rather, an evolution as the energy changes. That evolution is of course a very large part of that love. With the opening of your heart, eventually there will be grief and loss. Our hearts should always remain open...no matter the loss. Oh, it's not easy-peasy. Feeling and remaining heart centered isn't an easy ride, but it is always the most worthy of our energy. That's where I find myself right now. As I sit here beside my furry best friend, my couch and snuggle companion for the last almost 8 years...I am so sad. I am also grateful that I have known his love. There is nothing to be done of course. He's dying and we are making him as comfortable as possible. He is calm and not in distress. Reiki is helping with his comfort level. In this instance, the wasting away and not being able to change any of it, is the worst part of this very big love. What makes this even more difficult is that we lost our youngest kitty Loki, to a heart attack only a month ago. We are still grieving her departure as a family. As parents, it is one of the more painful things to tell a child, that someone we loved so much has passed, and then 1 month later, only to share that it is happening again. We were a family with 5 cats, the oldest being a couple months shy of 20 yrs old. He will have soon outlived 5 other kitties. From 5 to 3...it feels very quiet here now. The house feels so empty, yet still so full of love, if that makes sense. I believe that when we find our animal friend, it is a spiritual contract when we agree to live together. We don't just find them, or that they find us...we find each other. When you adopt they become a very important part of your family. I really have a lot of difficulty understanding those who adopt and then give away, adopt and then give away...you wouldn't do that with a child or to a family member?! Why would you do that with an animal? To treat an animal as you would a car that you lease for awhile...it doesn't work that way with sentient beings. Or, just as difficult, those that euthanize an otherwise very healthy animal...I don't get that either. If you cannot see the contract out until the end...don't start the contract to begin with. Just. Don't. It's a commitment. I got off on a bit of a tangent there. AND...I had a wee soap box moment. Sorry about that. Actually, I'm not sorry at all. It's healthy honesty. Allow me to share a bit about my big orange kitty. He is very special. He is the kitten of a stray cat that my in-laws took in while she was still pregnant. We have known him since he was just a tiny thing. When we got him, we didn't know what to call him. We had been going through our vinyl collection. All of our records were leaning up against the wall of our living room. This little clumsy fluff ball walked over to and then sat in front of Ziggy Stardust and we then had our ah-ha moment. He became Bowie, with his crazy orange fur, the name is very fitting. He's just as bizarre and magical too....minus the leotard of course. He has a penchant for toy mice, tunneling under blankets and for snuggles and nose kisses. We are now on day 5 of his refusal to eat of drink. We are keeping a close eye on him and are making every effort to ensure his comfort until his appointment at the Vet this evening. We have done everything under the guidance of a Veterinarian. We've done bloodwork and have taken him in twice thus far. We considered surgery but then we were advised against it because his secondary condition is kidney failure. Unfortunately, tonight will be his final visit. He hates getting into the cage. It scares him and stresses him out. I am hoping that he'll pass on his own terms, maybe during a kitty nap, before the appointment. This morning, Bowie wanted to curl up on our bed and he hasn't done that in a long time. I was getting ready for work and thought to make him extra comfy in his final hours and nestled the blankets around him. Of course, when I got to work I couldn't stand the thought of him being like that without me. I came home after an hour. I am very blessed to have a very understanding boss, who was very compassionate and told me to go and to be with him. I cried all the way home, in part due to sadness and the feeling of helplessness, but also because I was so grateful. I couldn't hold it in any longer. I kept myself together rather nicely...until I got in the car. I'm writing now because I find the act of doing so healing and it's keeping me busy. When I came home, Bowie had moved to sleep underneath the bed, and underneath where I would lay my head. I know that animals hide when it's nearing their time. I believe that's what he was doing, hiding in a spot where he felt safe. I brought him out and brought him to the bay window in our living room. I opened the window so that he could feel the wind, hear the rain and the birds...he is very quiet and still. He' s all curled up into a kitty ball of orange fur. Under all of that fur he was a big kitty, always nosing his way in to the other cats food dishes. Now, he's just fur, he's not yet skin and bones, but he has lost a lot of weight. I'm sitting beside him, alternating between writing, offering Reiki and just staring at him. He'll always be my beautiful boy. He is so loved in this home. Each of us has a very special bond with him. He is such a lover. There are many reasons why I love Reiki and healing energy. More than ever, I am grateful to be attuned to it. One month ago, when we lost Loki, I was able to comfort her in her final moments with Reiki. It eased her transition. Now with Bowie, I can help him with his pain and with his stress level. Right now, he's snuggled into a blanket, one of his most favorite things, and he's resting his very sore mouth on a palm sized piece of selenite. Selenite is a mineral that promotes peace, clarity and acts as a portal between the earthly and spirit planes. He's in transition and this soothing energy is helpful. I put the piece of selenite beside him and he chose to rest his head on it. Having the gift of sight, I have in the past noticed a few things after the passing of an animal friend. I will not be surprised if after Bowie has moved on, he stays in the house for a bit. I have seen this with other cats, most recently with Loki, and before her, our kitty Tintin. It's no different than when a human passes. Ask anyone who can see those that pass from this world to the next. It's not to say that because you can see them, that they do not cross over, but that death can be a bit disorienting when there is illness or especially if it is sudden and they may linger a bit. It's not the hard fast rule, but in my experience that is how it has worked. Even with human family. It's just the way it is. With the passing of an animal friend, I like to leave a bit of food out for them. I still talk to them. I find it helps me as much as it does them. Eventually, I see and hear them less, as their energy is pulled elsewhere. They eventually realize, but especially for the first couple weeks, I like to make the transition easier and more heart centered. They do still visit from time to time, just as any family is welcome to do but, they are not meant to stay, however. Another thing that I do is open the windows a lot. It helps let the spirit out. I fill the home with love and healing for those grieving (including myself) through prayer, visualization and I smudge. This is not to get rid of the deceased animals energy, but to purge the energy of the illness that they succumbed to. Once they leave their body, they are separate from the lesser vibration of poor health. Just as it's important to grieve and to get that out, it's also important to be grateful for the time, love and energy shared. My method of release is through tears. So, today I cry both tears of sadness and happiness. For what is lost is also found and the love that I carry in my heart for my sweet boy will always be there. Always. Much love. xo Photo: Carrie Carter Bedard
0 Comments
Wrap yourself in the energy of divine light and love. Feel the warmth of this energy radiate through you and finally envelop you. You are safe. You are loved. You are divinely protected in this vessel of light. Allow this vessel to encompass you and to hold you. You are held by the divine when you can no longer hold yourself. That is this space. Manifested, called in by you. A message to the divine. You are never alone. Even as you crumble, when all falls away. There is knowledge in your undoing. There is freedom in your coming undone. There is strength in your resurrection. What has been undone will be rebuilt stronger. With this strength, there is awareness. Let this be both compass and anchor. There is something that needs to be released. Person, place, thing...something outdated that no longer serves you. Not only does it no longer serve you, it drains you. Whether is makes you feel sad, defeated, vulnerable, small...it is diminishing your energy and it is time to let it go. Release yourself from this feeling of being pulled down. You are worth much more than that, my friend. So much more. Let go of your suffering. This pain had it's purpose and there is a lesson and valuable knowledge to be gathered from the experience. Look back on it without regret...all serves a purpose. It is time to listen to the beating of your divine heart and the higher truth within. Awaken. Photo: Carrie Carter Bedard The path to being a skilled healer is a long one and there are no guarantees either. I'm going to be very honest in this entry. Very honest. I owe that to my throat chakra. ;)
I am confident in my capabilities. I have learned through applied practise, what works and what does not. I am always open to learning more. (There is infinitely more!) I love meeting like-minded souls and sharing and learning from each other. I love doing research on different modalities that pique my interest. You never know where knowledge will take you. I will search it out if my soul feels called to it. Now here comes the "but". I know there is more. There is infinitely more. Right now that is where I am. Teetering on the edge of this vastness and staring into it while wondering... "What do we really know?!" "What do I really know?!" You see, I have felt this calling for a while now. This calling to become more. Perhaps it was the other way around and it was my soul dialing in to request more information. There it is though. I have manifested this desire and the seeds are now germinating. The catalyst for this awakening, or any awakening really, was death. Death of an old life. The cutting of ties, the resurgence of independence and a new set of eyes. Then the death of a living and very much loved being. With any death there is of course a rebirth. I am now experiencing the very beginning of that rebirth. I have for a few years now, worked with the elderly in varying states of health. In my private practise, I work with both humans and with animals...even a few insects! I have seen and felt much but until quite recently, as my own awareness continues to open up, this takes on new meaning. Each moment, each experience is a gift as a healer to connect and to provide a circle of calm, healing and awareness. To offer healing as the spirit leaves the body is tremendous. No matter the connection, at that moment you are the bridge offering respite and it is sacred. In that final moment when there is stillness at last. The body can be seen as the vessel for which the spirit lives in and the spirit can be then felt outside of the body. There have been many pinnacle moments since the end of last summer to promote my growth as a healer. I have increased my reading and research, widened my circle of like minded/ heart centered healer friends. I have prayed during meditation for more. I am ready for more. Please show me more. Finally the teacher has arrived. Good morning everyone!
I trust that you are all keeping well and preparing for a healing Saturday and Sunday. I've been up since 5 am. Hehe... Xo I've been a bit busy with projects and life "stuffs" lately. I'll be writing and sharing about some of it shortly. Honestly, it's been a mixed bag and a time for real awakening and growth. Some of which kinda kicked me in the pants and pulled at my he...art but I can now see why. All happens for a reason. The Universe makes no mistakes. I have felt for awhile that there would be a gentle transitioning and it's finally being set in motion...slowly but surely. That old adage "the teacher arrives when you are ready"? Yes! The teacher has arrived and I am ready. Are you ready? 😄 May is going to be a month for building the first real layer to what is already a very solid foundation. Aho! Xo Photo: Carrie Carter Bedard 🎶 Good morning! It's May, it's May...it's the lusty month of May. 🎶 This week is a goodie! It's really important this week to stay out of your head. Lol. If you allow yourself to stay in that headspace it'll prevent you from moving forward. You have to learn to let your feet be led by your heart. Create action from that energy and manifestation will be solid. If something isn't quite working out as anticipated...know that the universe isn't holding you back or working against you. All is working inline with your heart of hearts desire. Are you ready to live beyond what you already know? May, May the lusty month of May. Don't be veered off course however. Temptation...is usually the easy-peasy stuff, but for some reason it will feel heavier for you now...perhaps you will even find it draining. It's because it's no longer for you. Drop the heavy stuff! Don't give yourself over to temptation. You are making real progress. Reshape, replenish, redo...let your heart lead. Stay committed and practise additional self-care. Love yourself enough to be lighter than ever. You must trust yourself to take these steps- they are necessary for the next stage of your journey. Don't allow fear to cloud your vision or to create a blockage. Just move forward and do the work. As always, please be gentle with both yourself and others. Live in your joy and in love. Love to all! Xo Photo: Carrie Carter Bedard |
Archives
May 2021
Categories |