As I peel back another layer...love and expectation and the ick and stick of abandonment resurface. It doesn't feel good. It hurts. My heart hurts. Love should never hurt us but the expectations surrounding love and our surrender to it can. The truth is that over time we become more invested in the love that has been cultivated, or one would think at least. Over time, this love that has been nurtured has developed firm roots that are both supportive and stabilizing. This love that I have given a name to is a comfort and I claim it. With time and intention, this love will bear fruit... Questions I ask far too often. Did I love too much? The answer is no. Did I expect too much? The answer is unfortunately yes. Am I enough? I most certainly am. Do I take up too much space? No. Take up more. Each one of us is different and unique in how much we are willing to connect. Also, we see through the lens of love through our own connection to self. Not one of us will see similarly. Some will connect only to a certain point and that is okay too. There is an understanding that connections are meant to shift. The truth in love is freedom and release. There must be freedom to leave and we must love enough to let go. We must allow love to be fluid. Loving ourselves enough to facilitate this is the greatest challenge. Even though expectation has created hurt, we must honour our heart space by keeping our heart open. The challenge becomes working through the pain of necessary release, or that shift in connection and to fill that space with love. I have always felt a need for deeper connection on a soul level. I suppose I will continue to search for many years to find the whys and the hows so that I could move forward healthfully. The expanse of love is beyond this measurement of time and is within me. How wonderful! Although giving a name to love is comforting, it is not allowing for its natural fluidity. By naming it, we are claiming it. Love cannot belong to one person. Love belongs to the greater whole. To access great love, one must connect to that space within first. As our energy shifts, so does our world around us. I am shifting and I am feeling my connections shift as well. I am witness to the shifting of love. I know that the awareness of this is a gift even if it is met at times with great sadness. I remind myself that for every stitch of sadness there is an equal measure of light. I can grow with this awareness because there is self-love; this love is cultivated and is dependable. Love of self. This is a daily challenge, as deeper truths through connecting to untouched parts of the ether that surrounds my heart are exposed. There is both light and dark, iridescents that both motivate me and confusingly at the same time, urge me to go back to sleep. Freedom and release. I feel a certain sadness as I connect with like-minded others and at times, this sadness makes me never want to connect again. I remind myself that the connection is also the commitment. I am here to journey and to feel the full gamut of love. Even if it is to feel so full of love in one moment, fully knowing that this like-light cannot stay. Love doesn’t hurt but the earthly expectation of its measurement and endurance can. If I am being entirely honest, expectation is real spiritual butt hurt. Family, friends...those are the connections that can hurt the most. We must love enough to let go. Even still, we must love ourselves enough to remain open. By keeping an open heart, we not only develop a greater understanding of self, but also of our capacity to love and to become a stronger bridge for others to connect. Advice to my inner child as I continue to peel back the layers... Continue to do the work. Nothing will ever be the same as it is in this present moment. Grow healthful roots that both support and nurture you. In darker moments, when love shifts, lean into that deeper knowing that you will be okay. Until next time, love to all on your journey. Keep on, keeping on, with love in your heart and in the soles of your feet. xo Carrie Carter - Painted Chakras and Stairways (Located in Hull/Aylmer, QC area) Usui Shiki Ryoho Master/Teacher Lightarian™ Reiki Master/Teacher Crystal & Mineral Master/Teacher Soul / Healing Coach Affiliate Member of The International Association of Reiki Professionals Member of The Wellness Universe Pachakuti Mesa Carrier PMT Apprentice #healingenergy #wellness #Reiki #energyhealing #crystalhealing #energyclearing #spaceclearing #sacredspace #crystalcare #crystalgridding #groundingtechniques #Authenticpower #sacredherbs #healingandenergyworkshops #reikisessions #reikicourses #reikicertificate #reikiandcrystals #healingtreatments #reikilevelone #reikileveltwo #reikilevel2art #reikimaster #reikitraining #UsuiReiki #LightarianReiki #LightarianReikiMaster #PMTApprentice #PachakutiMesaCarrier
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