Some of the greatest lessons are hard earned. I believe that we all know this on some level. Until fall of last year, I was still searching for that part of me that resides only in the deepest part of my heart. It took me a very long time to find myself in that vault, but when I did, it was as though the entire world had opened up. I now have an abundance of gratitude for those with whom I share my heart...because I have finally found that deepest recess of my own. I have always loved, or at least I thought I did. I suppose that now I love in a deeper way. I am now capable of loving in such a manner that I let the love flow first through me and then unconditionally to those within my circle. My love will not stray but will remain firmly rooted and will envelop those that choose to be a part of my life. I now know how to access my inner fire that can only live within this energy center. I am now grounded more than ever in my heart energy. Without my knowing on a conscious level, I had been searching outside of myself for my entire life. No amount of cord cutting would heal me. It was the synchronicity of events, the crumbling of the tower, a spiritual box that I had been placed in that would all play out in divine timing. The stage had been set most definitely before my coming here. This is the way that it works. We plan it this way as a part of our souls contract to learn and feel while we are in physical body. Our lessons are brought to us not on the backs of unicorns with rainbows and well...you understand. Lessons are mostly learned while enduring a dark night of the soul, of which I have spent several. During those many nights and days, I held fast to the belief that I had a strong support system. I did and better still, my circle is now titanium strong. The heart work that I did, my death and my hard earned rebirth, is what manifested this. The false supports that I had, they fell away mid September through mid October. I won't lie, it was as if the carpet had been pulled out from underneath both my heart and my feet during this death. It took me by absolute surprise. Even those that I had falsely believed to be my strongest and most trusted spiritual support vanished. In this darkness, I came to know my true essence...and the darkness came to light. I see it now as a time of great beauty and where I grew immensely, as what was no longer in line with my vibration, simply disappeared into the ether. No one wants to believe or feel that they had been mislead or mistreated. Yes, that is ego speaking....but it is also ego putting walls around the heart to protect. However well intended, this dance with ego must slow to a stop, and the walls must then crumble. You cannot have a barricade surrounding your heart center. This chakra is a bridge that helps with a healthful flow between the lower and the higher energies within your body. I knew this very well...and no matter the hurt of which I felt within all of my bodies (physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual), I chose to heal. There were several situations playing out at this time, and painfully they all played within each sphere of my life. Each one, provided a mirror for which I could peer through. If the foundation was built on real love it did not falter, instead I was held up and supported. If it was built on something illusionary, the pieces that were made to crumble and fall away did just that. This was incredibly painful for me but only because I tried to hold on. Once I let go...everything started to blossom around me and the pain disappeared, following those false supports into the ether. During this time, I realized the real reason I held on so tightly to the illusionary. Through this mirror I saw unhealed hurts that were representing themselves in such a way that would get my attention. They played out through the hearts and mouths of those with whom I had trusted without falter. These hurts had been held onto since childhood....around the age of 7 through 14. The lesson was that much larger because I had held onto the pain for so long. Only once I made the realization could I begin the healing process. I had to feel it to heal it. I mean it from experience each time that I say this. We are meant to feel on a very deep level until it resonates and we are ready to move on to the next level of healing. As a result of holding on for so very long, I learned tremendously about forgiveness. Although I realize that we are told to forgive others...it is not entirely necessary, nor is it entirely realistic. I have practiced Ho'oponopono in the past and have seen a lot of growth as a result of its usage. For some reason, I had to sway from the gentleness of this prayer and mantra and do something that felt more in synch with the situation. I suppose, instead what I did was a variation of it. We must first forgive ourselves and our part. I forgave my naivety, vulnerability and my open heart. Forgive and release. I unburdened my heart with this release. I let it follow the pain, the false supports and I finally sealed it with love. Not just any love, but with the new love that I recovered as a result of this journey. This for me, provided the transformation that was necessary to move forward healthfully, without ego dancing around my heart and lastly, with integrity. Love to all xo
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
Archives
May 2021
Categories |