Dealing with LossWhen we open our hearts so wide, the inevitability is to feel that ache that comes along with it. That's the reality of opening your heart to love. With each beginning there is always an ending, or rather, an evolution as the energy changes. That evolution is of course a very large part of that love. With the opening of your heart, eventually there will be grief and loss. Our hearts should always remain open...no matter the loss. Oh, it's not easy-peasy. Feeling and remaining heart centered isn't an easy ride, but it is always the most worthy of our energy. That's where I find myself right now. As I sit here beside my furry best friend, my couch and snuggle companion for the last almost 8 years...I am so sad. I am also grateful that I have known his love. There is nothing to be done of course. He's dying and we are making him as comfortable as possible. He is calm and not in distress. Reiki is helping with his comfort level. In this instance, the wasting away and not being able to change any of it, is the worst part of this very big love. What makes this even more difficult is that we lost our youngest kitty Loki, to a heart attack only a month ago. We are still grieving her departure as a family. As parents, it is one of the more painful things to tell a child, that someone we loved so much has passed, and then 1 month later, only to share that it is happening again. We were a family with 5 cats, the oldest being a couple months shy of 20 yrs old. He will have soon outlived 5 other kitties. From 5 to 3...it feels very quiet here now. The house feels so empty, yet still so full of love, if that makes sense. I believe that when we find our animal friend, it is a spiritual contract when we agree to live together. We don't just find them, or that they find us...we find each other. When you adopt they become a very important part of your family. I really have a lot of difficulty understanding those who adopt and then give away, adopt and then give away...you wouldn't do that with a child or to a family member?! Why would you do that with an animal? To treat an animal as you would a car that you lease for awhile...it doesn't work that way with sentient beings. Or, just as difficult, those that euthanize an otherwise very healthy animal...I don't get that either. If you cannot see the contract out until the end...don't start the contract to begin with. Just. Don't. It's a commitment. I got off on a bit of a tangent there. AND...I had a wee soap box moment. Sorry about that. Actually, I'm not sorry at all. It's healthy honesty. Allow me to share a bit about my big orange kitty. He is very special. He is the kitten of a stray cat that my in-laws took in while she was still pregnant. We have known him since he was just a tiny thing. When we got him, we didn't know what to call him. We had been going through our vinyl collection. All of our records were leaning up against the wall of our living room. This little clumsy fluff ball walked over to and then sat in front of Ziggy Stardust and we then had our ah-ha moment. He became Bowie, with his crazy orange fur, the name is very fitting. He's just as bizarre and magical too....minus the leotard of course. He has a penchant for toy mice, tunneling under blankets and for snuggles and nose kisses. We are now on day 5 of his refusal to eat of drink. We are keeping a close eye on him and are making every effort to ensure his comfort until his appointment at the Vet this evening. We have done everything under the guidance of a Veterinarian. We've done bloodwork and have taken him in twice thus far. We considered surgery but then we were advised against it because his secondary condition is kidney failure. Unfortunately, tonight will be his final visit. He hates getting into the cage. It scares him and stresses him out. I am hoping that he'll pass on his own terms, maybe during a kitty nap, before the appointment. This morning, Bowie wanted to curl up on our bed and he hasn't done that in a long time. I was getting ready for work and thought to make him extra comfy in his final hours and nestled the blankets around him. Of course, when I got to work I couldn't stand the thought of him being like that without me. I came home after an hour. I am very blessed to have a very understanding boss, who was very compassionate and told me to go and to be with him. I cried all the way home, in part due to sadness and the feeling of helplessness, but also because I was so grateful. I couldn't hold it in any longer. I kept myself together rather nicely...until I got in the car. I'm writing now because I find the act of doing so healing and it's keeping me busy. When I came home, Bowie had moved to sleep underneath the bed, and underneath where I would lay my head. I know that animals hide when it's nearing their time. I believe that's what he was doing, hiding in a spot where he felt safe. I brought him out and brought him to the bay window in our living room. I opened the window so that he could feel the wind, hear the rain and the birds...he is very quiet and still. He' s all curled up into a kitty ball of orange fur. Under all of that fur he was a big kitty, always nosing his way in to the other cats food dishes. Now, he's just fur, he's not yet skin and bones, but he has lost a lot of weight. I'm sitting beside him, alternating between writing, offering Reiki and just staring at him. He'll always be my beautiful boy. He is so loved in this home. Each of us has a very special bond with him. He is such a lover. There are many reasons why I love Reiki and healing energy. More than ever, I am grateful to be attuned to it. One month ago, when we lost Loki, I was able to comfort her in her final moments with Reiki. It eased her transition. Now with Bowie, I can help him with his pain and with his stress level. Right now, he's snuggled into a blanket, one of his most favorite things, and he's resting his very sore mouth on a palm sized piece of selenite. Selenite is a mineral that promotes peace, clarity and acts as a portal between the earthly and spirit planes. He's in transition and this soothing energy is helpful. I put the piece of selenite beside him and he chose to rest his head on it. Having the gift of sight, I have in the past noticed a few things after the passing of an animal friend. I will not be surprised if after Bowie has moved on, he stays in the house for a bit. I have seen this with other cats, most recently with Loki, and before her, our kitty Tintin. It's no different than when a human passes. Ask anyone who can see those that pass from this world to the next. It's not to say that because you can see them, that they do not cross over, but that death can be a bit disorienting when there is illness or especially if it is sudden and they may linger a bit. It's not the hard fast rule, but in my experience that is how it has worked. Even with human family. It's just the way it is. With the passing of an animal friend, I like to leave a bit of food out for them. I still talk to them. I find it helps me as much as it does them. Eventually, I see and hear them less, as their energy is pulled elsewhere. They eventually realize, but especially for the first couple weeks, I like to make the transition easier and more heart centered. They do still visit from time to time, just as any family is welcome to do but, they are not meant to stay, however. Another thing that I do is open the windows a lot. It helps let the spirit out. I fill the home with love and healing for those grieving (including myself) through prayer, visualization and I smudge. This is not to get rid of the deceased animals energy, but to purge the energy of the illness that they succumbed to. Once they leave their body, they are separate from the lesser vibration of poor health. Just as it's important to grieve and to get that out, it's also important to be grateful for the time, love and energy shared. My method of release is through tears. So, today I cry both tears of sadness and happiness. For what is lost is also found and the love that I carry in my heart for my sweet boy will always be there. Always. Much love. xo Photo: Carrie Carter Bedard
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Wrap yourself in the energy of divine light and love. Feel the warmth of this energy radiate through you and finally envelop you. You are safe. You are loved. You are divinely protected in this vessel of light. Allow this vessel to encompass you and to hold you. You are held by the divine when you can no longer hold yourself. That is this space. Manifested, called in by you. A message to the divine. You are never alone. Even as you crumble, when all falls away. There is knowledge in your undoing. There is freedom in your coming undone. There is strength in your resurrection. What has been undone will be rebuilt stronger. With this strength, there is awareness. Let this be both compass and anchor. There is something that needs to be released. Person, place, thing...something outdated that no longer serves you. Not only does it no longer serve you, it drains you. Whether is makes you feel sad, defeated, vulnerable, small...it is diminishing your energy and it is time to let it go. Release yourself from this feeling of being pulled down. You are worth much more than that, my friend. So much more. Let go of your suffering. This pain had it's purpose and there is a lesson and valuable knowledge to be gathered from the experience. Look back on it without regret...all serves a purpose. It is time to listen to the beating of your divine heart and the higher truth within. Awaken. Photo: Carrie Carter Bedard The path to being a skilled healer is a long one and there are no guarantees either. I'm going to be very honest in this entry. Very honest. I owe that to my throat chakra. ;)
I am confident in my capabilities. I have learned through applied practise, what works and what does not. I am always open to learning more. (There is infinitely more!) I love meeting like-minded souls and sharing and learning from each other. I love doing research on different modalities that pique my interest. You never know where knowledge will take you. I will search it out if my soul feels called to it. Now here comes the "but". I know there is more. There is infinitely more. Right now that is where I am. Teetering on the edge of this vastness and staring into it while wondering... "What do we really know?!" "What do I really know?!" You see, I have felt this calling for a while now. This calling to become more. Perhaps it was the other way around and it was my soul dialing in to request more information. There it is though. I have manifested this desire and the seeds are now germinating. The catalyst for this awakening, or any awakening really, was death. Death of an old life. The cutting of ties, the resurgence of independence and a new set of eyes. Then the death of a living and very much loved being. With any death there is of course a rebirth. I am now experiencing the very beginning of that rebirth. I have for a few years now, worked with the elderly in varying states of health. In my private practise, I work with both humans and with animals...even a few insects! I have seen and felt much but until quite recently, as my own awareness continues to open up, this takes on new meaning. Each moment, each experience is a gift as a healer to connect and to provide a circle of calm, healing and awareness. To offer healing as the spirit leaves the body is tremendous. No matter the connection, at that moment you are the bridge offering respite and it is sacred. In that final moment when there is stillness at last. The body can be seen as the vessel for which the spirit lives in and the spirit can be then felt outside of the body. There have been many pinnacle moments since the end of last summer to promote my growth as a healer. I have increased my reading and research, widened my circle of like minded/ heart centered healer friends. I have prayed during meditation for more. I am ready for more. Please show me more. Finally the teacher has arrived. Good morning everyone!
I trust that you are all keeping well and preparing for a healing Saturday and Sunday. I've been up since 5 am. Hehe... Xo I've been a bit busy with projects and life "stuffs" lately. I'll be writing and sharing about some of it shortly. Honestly, it's been a mixed bag and a time for real awakening and growth. Some of which kinda kicked me in the pants and pulled at my he...art but I can now see why. All happens for a reason. The Universe makes no mistakes. I have felt for awhile that there would be a gentle transitioning and it's finally being set in motion...slowly but surely. That old adage "the teacher arrives when you are ready"? Yes! The teacher has arrived and I am ready. Are you ready? 😄 May is going to be a month for building the first real layer to what is already a very solid foundation. Aho! Xo Photo: Carrie Carter Bedard 🎶 Good morning! It's May, it's May...it's the lusty month of May. 🎶 This week is a goodie! It's really important this week to stay out of your head. Lol. If you allow yourself to stay in that headspace it'll prevent you from moving forward. You have to learn to let your feet be led by your heart. Create action from that energy and manifestation will be solid. If something isn't quite working out as anticipated...know that the universe isn't holding you back or working against you. All is working inline with your heart of hearts desire. Are you ready to live beyond what you already know? May, May the lusty month of May. Don't be veered off course however. Temptation...is usually the easy-peasy stuff, but for some reason it will feel heavier for you now...perhaps you will even find it draining. It's because it's no longer for you. Drop the heavy stuff! Don't give yourself over to temptation. You are making real progress. Reshape, replenish, redo...let your heart lead. Stay committed and practise additional self-care. Love yourself enough to be lighter than ever. You must trust yourself to take these steps- they are necessary for the next stage of your journey. Don't allow fear to cloud your vision or to create a blockage. Just move forward and do the work. As always, please be gentle with both yourself and others. Live in your joy and in love. Love to all! Xo Photo: Carrie Carter Bedard For the last four nights I have suddenly woken up between 1 and 3:30 am. Through the usual night sounds I could sense nothing truly different other than the movement around me. I could feel the energy. I felt that I wasn't alone. I had the kind of fluttering that you get while experiencing an anxiety attack. All three nights that I felt like this, I talked myself through it, while giving myself Reiki, knowing that I had no real reason to feel anxious. It wasn't anxiety. I could feel that it wasn't, but that it was perhaps so similar that it could be mistaken for it? It was my higher heart...or rather, the healing of my heart chakra and the continued opening to the higher heart. The sensation is a fluttering and it's high vibrational...so it feels bizarre. Last night was the fourth night that I awoke...but it was very different. I was awakened. I lay there in my comfy bed, all swaddled up in several fuzzy blankets and without any oddities, other than a womans voice telling me all sorts of wonderful things. Sentence by sentence, my heart swelled with love and I felt so safe. I rolled over and looked at the alarm clock. It was 3:33 am. Ha! Three earliest of mornings of "healing work" and on the fourth I receive both my message and my confirmation at 3:33 am. I just love how this works! Xo Photo: Carrie Carter Bédard Let's talk about energy! Or, more specifically, let's talk about the chakra system. This my friends, is a simple chakra quickie. A very basic introduction to the chakras. I hope you enjoy! xo RED The Root / first chakra is located in the perineum region, right there at the base of your spine. If it's healthy, you are anchored and grounded, as this chakra is what brings the earths energy into our body. This connects us to the magnetic core of the Earth Mother. Our fight or flight response (adrenals!) and our connection to our ancestors resides here. This is our foundation. Our personal drive stems from a healthily functioning root chakra. Feelings of jealousy and anger and even aggression are associated with the energy center. Think red hot! Body part: Adrenals...hello kidneys! If healthy and balanced, you will be:
If unbalanced, you might be:
ORANGE The Sacral / second chakra is located between the pelvic region and the belly button. If it's functioning healthfully, we will be balanced in our appetite for all related things related to pleasure. Whether it be sex, food...we will have a healthy but balanced appetite for it. We must come to understand what is needed and what is simply an "extra" for this to be balanced, if that makes sense. Nothing in excess. Our sexual/sensual/emotional maturity develops here. Feelings of pleasure, envy, self-care and happiness/ unhappiness stem from this energy center. For me, this is also home to the ego. Body part(s): Ovaries and testes! If healthy and balanced, you will:
YELLOW The Solar / third chakra is located just over your stomach, right below your sternum. (Think Heimlich maneuver...right there!) I like to imagine this center as a radiant sun, glowing brightly. It is our center of power, self identity and self worth. It's where our confidence is born if nurtured and also, our free will. A lot of pivotal stuff happens here. This is also where we regulate our digestion! Body part: Pancreas. If healthy and balanced, you will be:
GREEN The Heart / Fourth chakra is located in the center of your chest. This is where we hold our inner flame that connects us to the higher chakras, as it is the bridge between the third chakra (center of power) and the fifth chakra (Center of authentic communication). Our souls divinity is awakened here. Our feelings of connectedness to our family, friends and to ourselves are all held within this center. Our capacity for unconditional love, peace and the innocence of self are what culminates this chakra. Body part: You guessed it...it's the heart! If healthy and balanced, you will be:
If unbalanced, you might be:
BLUE The Throat / Fifth chakra is located at the throat. This is where we learn to speak our authentic truth. It is our center of communication, honesty and it is also connected to our creativity and our expression thereof. As a vessel of truth, our energy here is directly linked to our higher self. It's energy is what helps us to communicate clearly. It is also the energy center used for releasing through tears, shouting, sharing what is bothering you...getting it out and into the open! Body part: Thyroid. Our ears are also associated with this center. If healthy and balanced, you will be:
If unbalanced, you might be:
INDIGO The Third Eye / sixth chakra is located in the space at the brow line, your pituitary gland. Both logical thought and imaginary experience dance together to create a balanced reality if the third eye is balanced. Our intuition and deepest knowledge and inner knowing resides in the energy center. As the pituitary gland, it is also the master gland of all other glands within the body. Think inner and outer vision. Body part(s): Temporal lobes(brain), eyes, sinuses and the skull base. If healthy and balanced, you will be:
If unbalanced, you might be:
VIOLET The Crown / seventh chakra is located at the very top of your head...like a tiny hat. This is where we connect to our divinity, our connection to source energy and to all that is, was and will be. Our divinity, our intelligence and our ability to be open to receiving source energy (many names). In this center we possess an inner knowing that we are never alone and that we are always guided, loved and that we are ultimately supported. We are light and we are the highest love. Body part: Cerebral cortex (brain), top of the skull, and the largest organ...our skin. If healthy and balanced, you will:
If unbalanced, you might be:
Healing Energy - Painted Chakras and Stairways Image: Carrie Carter Bedard PS. If you find this interesting...I have been working on a much more detailed version for a few years now. If I'm being honest...probably since the start of my Reiki journey. One day I hope to publish! ;) Some of the greatest lessons are hard earned. I believe that we all know this on some level. Until fall of last year, I was still searching for that part of me that resides only in the deepest part of my heart. It took me a very long time to find myself in that vault, but when I did, it was as though the entire world had opened up. I now have an abundance of gratitude for those with whom I share my heart...because I have finally found that deepest recess of my own. I have always loved, or at least I thought I did. I suppose that now I love in a deeper way. I am now capable of loving in such a manner that I let the love flow first through me and then unconditionally to those within my circle. My love will not stray but will remain firmly rooted and will envelop those that choose to be a part of my life. I now know how to access my inner fire that can only live within this energy center. I am now grounded more than ever in my heart energy. Without my knowing on a conscious level, I had been searching outside of myself for my entire life. No amount of cord cutting would heal me. It was the synchronicity of events, the crumbling of the tower, a spiritual box that I had been placed in that would all play out in divine timing. The stage had been set most definitely before my coming here. This is the way that it works. We plan it this way as a part of our souls contract to learn and feel while we are in physical body. Our lessons are brought to us not on the backs of unicorns with rainbows and well...you understand. Lessons are mostly learned while enduring a dark night of the soul, of which I have spent several. During those many nights and days, I held fast to the belief that I had a strong support system. I did and better still, my circle is now titanium strong. The heart work that I did, my death and my hard earned rebirth, is what manifested this. The false supports that I had, they fell away mid September through mid October. I won't lie, it was as if the carpet had been pulled out from underneath both my heart and my feet during this death. It took me by absolute surprise. Even those that I had falsely believed to be my strongest and most trusted spiritual support vanished. In this darkness, I came to know my true essence...and the darkness came to light. I see it now as a time of great beauty and where I grew immensely, as what was no longer in line with my vibration, simply disappeared into the ether. No one wants to believe or feel that they had been mislead or mistreated. Yes, that is ego speaking....but it is also ego putting walls around the heart to protect. However well intended, this dance with ego must slow to a stop, and the walls must then crumble. You cannot have a barricade surrounding your heart center. This chakra is a bridge that helps with a healthful flow between the lower and the higher energies within your body. I knew this very well...and no matter the hurt of which I felt within all of my bodies (physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual), I chose to heal. There were several situations playing out at this time, and painfully they all played within each sphere of my life. Each one, provided a mirror for which I could peer through. If the foundation was built on real love it did not falter, instead I was held up and supported. If it was built on something illusionary, the pieces that were made to crumble and fall away did just that. This was incredibly painful for me but only because I tried to hold on. Once I let go...everything started to blossom around me and the pain disappeared, following those false supports into the ether. During this time, I realized the real reason I held on so tightly to the illusionary. Through this mirror I saw unhealed hurts that were representing themselves in such a way that would get my attention. They played out through the hearts and mouths of those with whom I had trusted without falter. These hurts had been held onto since childhood....around the age of 7 through 14. The lesson was that much larger because I had held onto the pain for so long. Only once I made the realization could I begin the healing process. I had to feel it to heal it. I mean it from experience each time that I say this. We are meant to feel on a very deep level until it resonates and we are ready to move on to the next level of healing. As a result of holding on for so very long, I learned tremendously about forgiveness. Although I realize that we are told to forgive others...it is not entirely necessary, nor is it entirely realistic. I have practiced Ho'oponopono in the past and have seen a lot of growth as a result of its usage. For some reason, I had to sway from the gentleness of this prayer and mantra and do something that felt more in synch with the situation. I suppose, instead what I did was a variation of it. We must first forgive ourselves and our part. I forgave my naivety, vulnerability and my open heart. Forgive and release. I unburdened my heart with this release. I let it follow the pain, the false supports and I finally sealed it with love. Not just any love, but with the new love that I recovered as a result of this journey. This for me, provided the transformation that was necessary to move forward healthfully, without ego dancing around my heart and lastly, with integrity. Love to all xo For months now, I have been busy. I have been multi-tasking, attempting to fit everyone in. It has been an exciting time and so full of love, but it has also left me with less time for myself. My morning routine of Reiki and meditation has been my priority, as it sets the foundation for all else. I am super-charged after my little routine! It wasn't enough however. In hindsight, I now believe that I needed more. When we do more, we need to do more for ourselves. Plain and simple. An empty cup cannot quench anyone's thirst, especially your own. I was thirsty but didn't know it. I didn't realize it because it wasn't time yet. Now the lesson has been presented, as I am now ready to listen. That's how it works. What we do with the lesson and the knowledge is up to us. The Universe wanted me to slow down. To take a deep breath. I have been forced into what feels like a time out. I trust the plan that is in store for me and I believe wholeheartedly that there is a reason behind everything, including this time that I am meant to spend in solitude to heal. I have one week to be both student and recluse. Long story short, I woke up one morning a few days ago feeling off and by the end of the day it was apparent that something more was going on. Healing time is about one to two weeks and I am taking a prescription for at least 4 days. I rarely take anything from pharma as I am a lightweight and prefer to go the natural route, but sometimes you do what you have to do. So, here I am...in solitude and the world has slowed down completely. It's like a week long meditation. I haven't slept so much since being a teenager...and that was a long time ago. I try to see the bright side in everything. Yes...I had a few "Oh woe is me" moments. I had several. I have now moved on to embrace this and to delve deeper into the metaphysical side of the why and the what? Why? She wants me to slow down. What? Perchance to learn...lol My ailment is around my throat chakra. I've been using my own voice a lot more this year. Instead of sharing what others have created and what resonates with me, I am also sharing my own insight and my own musings on a fairly regular basis. I did share some of my own work but only in spurts. There is so much that we keep in our own reservoir of knowledge and share only a fraction of it. I believe that I am ready to share more. Until the end of last year, I found my own voice too loud. I fought with the idea of taking up too much space, yet not being enough. I felt as though I had to be subservient...but to whom? If that makes sense at all. Sharing my own insights and what I found to be going on energetically, has been empowering. I haven't felt more myself before. It's a wondrous feeling. This is just a kink that I must work through to get to the larger part of my voice. I am still maturing and there are growing pains for that. This is perhaps one of them. I am clearing out the gunk. My body is now detoxing. During this time I am grateful to be surrounded by so much love. I am so blessed to know healers, who will assist in times such as this, when you really need pain relief and tender loving care. I've got that in spades. I knew that before and I feel it so very deeply now. xo My meditations over the last couple of days have taught me so much about the next steps I should take. I am looking forward to this upgrade and I look forward to sharing it all with you once I am ready to. This is still in its seedling stage. I will take this time to absorb and to learn more. Much love to all, as we feel to heal and mature into oneness. Blessings. xo My kitty Hibou is sunbathing with a few of my emeralds this morning. Apparently, he's working on his relationship prosperity while he catnaps. Hehe.
Did you know? Emerald is helpful to use in meditation and for use in rituals geared towards opening the heart center. An open heart is one that trusts and that is open to the divine timing of miracles! ... The energy of the emerald encourages insightfulness that can help you to remain as open as possible to opportunities for abundance...clearing and bringing your perception back into alignment. Mantra for the heart using the energy of the delicious emerald: With an open heart, I am open to receiving. I am both creative and loving. I am insightful with clear perception. I am abundantly enough and more simultaneously. Photo: Carrie Carter Bédard |
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